How to Choose an Egg Donor
Choosing an egg donor can make intended parents feel both excited and nervous. The options may feel overwhelming, and you may not know where to start in terms of narrowing them down. We created this guide to help you think about your priorities and preferences when it comes to choosing an egg donor. And if you could still use some extra guidance, we’re only a phone call away.
Non-Directed Vs. Directed Donors
What kind of relationship do you want to have with your egg donor? If you’d prefer not to share personal information or get to know your donor directly, you can choose a non-directed donation. You will still receive the donor’s medical history and information about their physical and personality traits, but will not receive their contact information. This kind of donation used to be called “anonymous,” but with the ease of at-home DNA testing, egg donation can no longer be 100% anonymous.
If you’d like to communicate with your donor, or if you might use a friend or family member as a donor, you would have a directed donation. Directed donation involves unique emotional and legal factors. It’s important to consider these factors when deciding what kind of egg donor arrangement to choose.
How Should I Choose an Egg Donor?
We suggest thinking of your preferences as a way to direct your search as you choose an egg donor. One approach is to make a list of all your desired qualities and then sort them based on priority. Choose one or two highest priority items, then divide the others into medium or lower priority. This way, you have some guidelines for your search, without getting caught up in finding one “perfect” donor.
On the subject of “perfection”: Genetics can never be 100% predictable, even in traditional conception. Neither personality nor physical traits are guaranteed to show up exactly between people who share genetics. Hair color can skip a generation, short parents can have tall children, and introverted parents may discover they have a very outgoing child. Nature and nurture both play a role in development - even identical twins can have completely different interests and skills! So, consider your preferences as a way to help make your decision easier, rather than a blueprint for what to expect. Your child will be their own, unique individual, guided by your family’s love.
Physical Traits & Cultural Background
Some parents look for a donor with specific physical traits. For instance, if you will be using a donor egg to become pregnant, you could look for a donor who resembles you. Alternatively, perhaps a shared cultural background is more important to you than individual aspects of appearance. Most egg donor databases will include the donors’ physical traits, such as height, eye and hair color, and ethnicity. Some databases may also include current, childhood, or family photos of the donor.
Personality Traits, Accomplishments, & Education
Similarly to physical traits, some intended parents look for donors who share personality traits with them. Or, you can often search databases by education level or types of personal achievements, such as academic or athletic. While, as noted, there is no guarantee that your child will share these exact skills, it can help some parents to have a framework as they choose an egg donor. Others don’t necessarily have a specific personality or skills in mind, but instead look for a donor profile that resonates with them on some level, whether through shared connection or just liking the personal statement.
Experienced Guidance As You Choose Your Egg Donor
Some intended parents chart out a list of priorities; others use a “know it when you see it” method. There is no wrong way to choose an egg donor - use the approach that feels best to you. And if you’re having trouble deciding what feels right, let us know. Our team is happy to help discuss your thoughts, feelings, and preferences and provide guidance on how those could shape your search. Choosing an egg donor is a big decision, but it doesn’t have to be a stressful one. For more information, contact us today.