3 Things Intended Parents Should Consider Before Choosing an Egg Donor
Once you have decided to use donor eggs, there are some important things to consider before actually choosing an egg donor. Here are a few big questions to think about as you start looking at donors and planning your egg donation journey.
#1: What Kind Of Egg Donation Do I Want?
Before choosing an egg donor, there are two major donation categories to consider: directed vs. non-directed and fresh vs. frozen.
Directed Vs. Non-Directed refers to your relationship with the egg donor. In a directed donation, you know identifying information about your donor and can contact them. For example, you may ask a relative to donate eggs, or you may choose a donor who is open to communicating with you. With a non-directed donation, you only receive non-identifying information about your donor, including their medical history and personality. You will not receive the donor’s contact information. It’s important to decide up front whether you might like a relationship of any kind with your donor, as that makes a big difference in choosing an egg donor.
Note: we don’t use the term “anonymous” anymore for non-directed donations; with the availability of at-home DNA tests, truly anonymous egg donation is no longer guaranteed.
Fresh Vs. Frozen involves the egg donation process itself. A fresh donor cycle involves more coordination with you and your donor, but may allow for retrieving more eggs than a frozen cycle. Frozen eggs are immediately accessible, but may not be available for directed donations. At SIMPLIFY and our partner clinic, Pacific Northwest Fertility (PNWF), we have similarly high success rates for both fresh and frozen cycles. Your fertility team will work with you to decide which option is best for your specific needs.
#2: What Qualities Am I Looking for in an Egg Donor?
This is the most obvious question when choosing an egg donor, but sometimes the most difficult to narrow down. Each intended parent has their own sense of what’s important to them in an egg donor. Some look for donors with similar physical appearance to themselves; others prefer a shared cultural background, or specific personality traits.
It can be helpful to make a list of desired qualities and sort them into categories based on priority. Pick one or two things for the highest priority category, and then sort the others into medium or low priority. This can help guide your search without focusing too much on finding the one “perfect” egg donor who ticks off every single box.
It’s important to remember that even in traditional conception, genetics are never exactly predictable. Two very athletic parents might have a child who prefers reading over sports, introverts can have a very extroverted child, and even physical characteristics like hair or eye color aren’t always passed along directly. So, while focusing on certain specifics can make choosing an egg donor easier, keep in mind that your child will be their own, individual human being, and unpredictability is all part of the parenting experience!
#3: How Will I Talk About the Egg Donation?
While this doesn’t directly apply to choosing an egg donor, it is very important to consider as you go through the egg donation process. How do you plan to talk to your friends and family about the egg donation? Most importantly, how do you plan to talk to your child about being donor-conceived? This might seem very far off at this point in your journey, but it’s worth thinking about as you plan your support system. In fact, the egg donation journey at SIMPLIFY/PNWF includes counseling sessions to explore the emotional and social aspects of disclosure, egg donation as a whole, and directed vs. non-directed donation.
Deciding to tell or not to tell, who to tell, and how much to share about your child’s donor conception is very personal. Our general recommendations can be summed up in three points:
Experts recommend telling your child they are donor-conceived, preferably before puberty
When it comes to telling friends and family, pick people you trust to be non-judgmental and supportive
Your well-being comes first, and you absolutely have the right to privacy
We have several articles that explore this guidance. To learn more, check out:
Choosing an egg donor can feel like the most complex part of egg donation. Give yourself time to think about what’s important to you and how you’d like to approach the egg donation process. We’re here to help along the way, and are happy to discuss your thoughts and questions - contact us today.